Life in Capital City

Last night was another sleepless night.  I must have lay away for over an hour, playing out the events of things that haven’t even happened yet.  The biggest question on my mind right now is: have I made a mistake?

Probably not the best time to be thinking this, amidst moving quotes, finished paper work, packing a house and uprooting my life.  But of course that thought keeps coming back to me.  Maybe I just need to get these thoughts out.

I talked to my friend Z about it and she let me ramble on until I finally said something that she was quick to draw attention to.  I said, “Well, it would be easier to just stay in Toronto…”

Easier?  When is anything in life easier?  If things were easier, then people wouldn’t take chances.  We would all just sit around and see what happens.  And to quote Stewie Griffin “Jim Henson had a ‘wait and see’ attitude and now we have wrong sounding Muppets.”

Some times one has to take risks.  But then again, why take the risk if right now everything is staying afloat?  It’s not as if Toronto is being bombed – although it is crime ridden and overcrowded.  I think back to the first few years I lived here and things were good.  I was discovering new things about the city and enjoying it.  I was writing a lot and was fueled creatively.  Because of the city’s size, there was always somewhere new to go and something new to do.

And I know that moving to Ottawa will give me a chance to do that all over again.  But as much as I have had it with Toronto, part of me can’t help but miss all the good times I’ve had.  Which I can only assume is normal.

Yes, it’s too late to turn back now. And I don’t have any regrets to speak of, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my doubts.  All I know is that I have no choice but to make a go of things.